13/01/02     4:00 AM

                                                                  couldn't sleep                                I think her friends are complete Jerks

                                                  Am working on two oil Paintings


                                                           An abstract Emotion      still

                                                       they probably think the same


                                                                  worse of me


                                                           Yet another Woman



16/01/02      5:30 AM

                                                       woke early after only 4 hours sleep


                                                     had a vision/dream with strong deja vu


                                                      the dark outline of a beautiful woman

                                             slipping through a door and closing it behind her       


                                                 then she reappeared as she drew back the curtains 

                                 by a large ground floor window, near to the door she had just shut

                                              with her arms raised  around her long dark hair


                                                   behind her was a soft widespread light

                                           her deep, dark mysterious eyes willed me closer                          


I've got an urge to paint it                 usually just stand in front of the canvas


                                                                        slosh it on 

What does it mean :                    I think it means I've got a bad case of love

                                                                      but for who                                               my muse by the look of it

                                            my psychological behavior at the moment is more like that


                                             a teenage girl then a soon to be fifty year old man

aside to myself :

I know I've been trying to liberate the female psyche       Yetti of the Deep                 bring to consciousness

                     in my mind                                                                    allow the fem aspect to exist in outer positive way    

            but this is truly terrifying       

aside to myself  again :

     JOKE BUT MAYBE NOT        after some of the soc`o loco experience I've had lately



Early evening, same day

                   I've just had two bids (no reserve) at limited prints, original, 1950+ for my work on Ebay/USA

                  Never ever sold a piece of my art in my life before

                  Given some of it away, yes

                  But never ever sold any of it until now

                  Strange feeling to have sold part of my life to a complete stranger

                  After twenty-five years of work on it




                                                             his sunshine shone brightly


                                                                he could only pick





                Took a look at the two paintings I've started and am just not in the mood to touch them.

                They are both quite up paintings and I'm just not in a up frame of mind at the moment. 


31/01/02      3:30 AM

                           Just had a wank but it still didn't help me sleep. Lack of sex is keeping me awake.

                                                      A biological need that I'm not fulfilling,

                                                     Even if its expression gets a little weird.    OK, VERY!!!! 


        To all you "normal" people out there

                                                               Keep your CORSETS well staid

                             &         take lots of            HEADACHE TABLETS